Konoha's Most Eligible Shinobi
by KingBroskander
Summary: 4 men. Forced into the limelight by the Hokage. Thousands of women. Live television. What could possible go wrong?
1. Chapter 1

**My first dabble in the Naruto world, though I should really finish my Fairy Tail stories, but this idea just came into my head after watching shows like Fear Factor and other reality shows. I plan on making more Naruto stories, something a little more angsty.**

**And, after reading the recent Naruto chapters, I decided that Naruto has been put on too high of pedestal. Besides, have you seen how many Naruto harem stories their are? UGH. I might have fun with the pairings in this one, will it be a Naruto/Ten Ten one? A Shikamaru/Karin one? Or a Sasuke harem one!? WHO KNOWS!**

It was a beautiful day. The birds were shining, and the newest edition of Icha Icha was just released; yes, nothing could ruin Kakashi's day. Though, it would've been nice had he not been summoned to the Hokage's tower on his day off, but alas, beggars can't be choosers. He steadily made his way and opened the door to speak to the Hokage, when he noticed her head lying on the table. "Ah, Tsunade Sama, I see you're much too busy to see me, what, with the sake cups and all. I'll just be going now." Kakashi grinned underneath his mask as the busty Hokage grunted and wiped away the drool from her mouth before locking her hands beneath her chin.

"I've asked you here for a reason, not so you can insult my drinking habits." Kakashi shrugged apologetically before he sat down. "We have a problem."

"I see. A problem, a crisis, an issue, how wonderful. What unfortunate problem is going on?" Tsunade stood up from her chair and walked over to the window overlooking the village.

"The problem, Kakashi, is that Konoha isn't popular anymore." The masked jonin gasped in false exasperation.

" My word! That's inconceivable! Konoha? Not popular? How can this be?!"

"Glad to see you're trying to help." Kakashi laughed.

"How is this a problem? So what if we're not popular. It's not like it's affecting tourism." The Hokage slammed her hands down on the table and yelled ,"But it is!" She pulled out a file and slid it towards him. "Look at these numbers, we're down 30 percent tourist revenue from last year. Hell, we even had more tourism during the war, and that was 5 years ago!"

Kakashi sighed. In all honesty, he didn't see anything wrong with this. They weren't going bankrupt or anything of that sort, and let's face it, Konoha was much more prosperous compared to the other villages. Though the war was over, there was quite some tension between some of the kages. The Raikage still held animosity towards the ANBU commander Uchiha Sasuke, who, thanks to the 6th Hokage in line, Uzumaki Naruto, managed to gain an immense respect from his fellow shinobi and quite a loyal fan-base. Tsunade still had some difficulty trying to persuade the Raikage not to go on some rampage over Sasuke's actions during the war. While that was going on, the Tschuikage was hellbent on staying in power, no matter how senile the man was going, prompting political opponents in Rock to try and take advantage of his fading health. It was a troubling time, but peace was still being enjoyed, withstanding some of the political issues.

"Hokage sama, what exactly are you planning to do then?" The only answer he got was a low chuckle from the woman.

"Shizune! Get in here! And bring the four of them in as well! Kakashi, you can go, I've got some private matters to discuss." He nodded, and left through the window, making the Hokage grit her teeth in anger (He used the door to come in, but a window to leave? It made no sense,) before the door was suddenly slammed open as Naruto walked in, grinning from ear to ear.

"Baa chan! You givin me a mission finally? Man, I kept begging teme to take me on one of his missions, but he was like GRRRR NO MISSIONS FOR YOU. HOKAGES DON'T GO ON MISSIONS. I AM UCHIHA, OBEY MY COMMANDS. And then I was like, seriously, I'm not Hokage yet! It's just one measly mission! And then he was like-"

"Uzumaki, your voice is hurting my ears. Please stop talking."

" Hyuuga." Tsunade looked at him before shaking her head. " Where the fuck are Uchiha and Nara?" Neji pointed towards the door before the two men walked in, rather unenthusiastically.

"Troublesome. I was sleeping when all of a sudden, I see a crapload of ANBU telling me that the Hokage was in danger." Tsunade raised an eyebrow, offended at the statement.

"You walked in quite slowly Nara, what if something were to happen to me, hmm? It's fine, take your time, I'm not in any REAL danger..." Tsunade rolled her eyes and watched Shikamaru grab a chair and gracefully slump into it, before her eyes wandered over to where her best ANBU was currently glaring at nothing.

"How was your mission Uchiha, no problems on our side, correct?" The man in question scoffed before he walked over to her desk and threw a scroll on it.

"What's this?"

"Why don't you fucking open it?" Naruto snickered.

"Someone's on his period! Baa chan, what was his mission?"

"Heh, sorry Uchiha, I didn't realize your target was going to be quite...fat." Sasuke rubbed his head in irritation. As much as he enjoyed going on seduction missions, some of the women were quite hard to deal with, especially the overweight ones. He was lucky she couldn't handle any alcohol.

"That scroll contains the signatures of members of a civilian rebel group. The women whom I was sent to interrogate had information regarding a local arms trade deal she made with the group. It wasn't anything to worry about, just some disgruntled workers who decided to take up violence and try to overthrow the Mizukage. It failed of course, and the members were easily captured. I reported it back to her and came here."

"I see, and how did she respond to the news?" Sasuke said nothing, but the feral grin he gave her was more than enough to give her an answer. "Actually, don't say anything more. Ugh, well, I guess a well done is in order. Funny thing is, I was actually planning on visiting Mist to see how Mei was faring. I was hoping we could get some sake and find a man to hook her up with, but I never was a fan of Mist shinobi. I guess you did the job better than the men in her village can." Neji made a face while Shikamaru asked, "The Mizukage? Really Sasuke?" Sasuke shrugged before he asked Tsunade, "Why exactly are we here?"

Tsunade sat down and stared at the men in front of her before frowning.

"Gentlemen, the mission I'm about to give you is one of great importance. Failure will not be tolerated on this S class assignment." The 4 shinobi looked at the Hokage, their faces masked in concern.

"This mission...sounds quite dangerous, do you know the success rate for this," Neji asked hesitantly as he closed his eyes. With the way Tsunade was speaking, he knew that they'd only have a small chance of success.

"100%" Silence filled the room before Naruto opened his mouth.

"Eh?" Naruto scratched his head. 100? Did she really have that much faith in their abilities? I mean, sure he was strong as hell, maybe even the best! But this was an S class mission, it couldn't be this easy! Before he could form a coherent sentence, Shikamaru intervened.

"How exactly is this an S class mission? Seems like some sort of garden clean up that a genin would do. Count me out. I've got shit to do anyways." The men all nodded in agreement before a sake cup was thrown, shattering against the wall.

"One of you is paying for that." Naruto pointed at Sasuke who massaged his head in exasperation. "We all know you have nothing to do Nara. Now, I'm making this a mandatory mission just because you're all complaining."

"Why us? You should've chosen the annoying Konohamru brat and his team for this, it would suit him perfectly considering his skills," Sasuke said with a hint of irritation flowing out from his mouth. He always hated that kid, even more so due to the uncanny resemblance his personality bares with Naruto.

"Agreed, why not choose some other shinobi?" Tsunade raised a hand to silence them as she began to walk towards them.

"I have a reason Hyuuga. It's not due to any sort of physical skills you 4 possess. The reason I picked you is because," she stopped and grabbed Sasuke's face by his chin, "of this."

"Because we don't have a beard?" Three face palms were heard at Naruto's utter stupidity. Tsunade ignored him as she continued.

"It's because women love you. And women, coincidentally, make up a huge portion of our tourism revenue . More tourism means more money for the village. It's as simple as that."

"So basically, you're going to exploit us," Sasuke said with a hint of amusement. "This should be interesting." Tsunade grinned at him and removed her hand from his chin before crossing her arms over her chest.

"Baa chan...I don't get it!"

"You'll find out soon enough. I've asked a high ranking jonin to help with this problem, she knows exactly what to do and-"

"You mean Anko right? The batshit insane proctor from the Chunin exams?"

"Hey asshole, I heard that." Sasuke closed his eyes in annoyance as Mitarashi Anko climbed through the Hokage's window and smirked at the 4 men. "Hmmmm... so these are the one's you chose? Heh, not bad, not bad at all. Foxy, Ponytail, Lazy, and the Uchiha. She smirked at Sasuke and continued. "I've always wanted to see what Orochimaru's _special_ student could do." Sasuke could do nothing but shudder.

"Now that you're here, I suggest you fill them in on what we're doing. Oh, and after you're done, bring them over to the mission site, they'll be in for quite the surprise." Tsunade opened the door to her office before chuckling. "This is going to be fun." And with that, the Hokage left the seasoned shinobi in the hands of a psychotic woman. Anko sat on the desk and crossed her legs on top of it.

"Let me ask you something, All of you own a tv set, correct?" She pulled out some dango and began chewing.

"Waste of time."

"Television is not needed in the Hyuuga household."

"Uh, Duh! I heard there's gonna be a show based on Pervy Sage's books! I'm totally not gonna miss that!"

"It's called porn you retard. And no, I don't. I doubt the clans in Konoha had any use for TV." Anko grinned before shaking her head.

"Not true Uchiha. I know for a fact that most clans here own many television sets."

Sasuke looked at the Hyuuga before speaking.

"Let me rephrase my comment. I doubt any **worthwhile **clans had any use of TV." Neji couldn't help but laugh. Even though he wasn't the Uchiha's biggest fan, that was a brilliant comment.

"Teme, you're an asshole!"

"Alright, shut up! I get it. You both need to get those sticks out of your asses. I wouldn't mind helping you, but I've got to finish this crap. Now, Tsunade told you about trying to attract more women into the village, right?" They nodded before she continued. "I may be in the minority here, but women love gossip. They love to crowd around each other and talk about the latest crazes and which guy did this, and that. It's a fact of life, even our own kunoichi do it."

"Your point?"

"My point, Nara, is to let me finish speaking you piece of-"

"OK! SORRY! HE DIDN'T MEAN TO INTERRUPT! PLEASE FINISH SPEAKING ANKO SAN!" Naruto smiled to himself. He was so good at damage control. Anko cleared her throat before continuing on.

"When it comes to TV, our own kunoichi, from what I can tell, love shows that relate to themselves. Why? Because when women aren't doing any kunoichi duties, they like to have some fun. Shows that offer shit about love, sex, and so on are really popular. The problem? We have nothing like that in Konoha. This village is boring! The same fucking routine! Everything is so censored due to the old bags we call elders! Uchiha should've finished those bags of bones off already." Sasuke said nothing. Naruto on the other hand...

"Hell yeah! I'm sick of doing the same shit all the time. I wanna do something exciting! Just until Baa chan retires at least!" Neji sighed. It's not like any of them had a choice in the matter. But she still hasn't explained what they were supposed to do.

"All of you, let's get out of here, I have to show you what your part in the mission is." The men let out a breath of relief. Finally, they were going to have their questions answered.

...

...

...

"What exactly are we supposed to be looking at here?" Anko rolled her eyes. Were they stupid or something? Probably, but she had a job to do. The five of them walked through the village as villagers began to gossip about why two of, arguably, the most powerful shinobi were following Anko around along with the Nara genius and the Hyuuga prodigy, when they suddenly stopped in front of Academy.

"Don't just stand there, get inside you idiots." Naruto didn't need to be told twice by her of all people, as he opened the door and went inside. Everything looked normal, but he sensed something...different. He continued to walk, when he finally noticed the extra amount of rooms in what was supposed to be empty spaces near the classrooms.

"Anko sempai, what's with this," he asked gesturing to the doors with his hands. The woman gave him a small smile before shoving him away from the rooms.

"You'll find out soon enough. Ah here we are." They stopped at the hall that was supposed to be used for test examinations; it was a large area, capable of fitting up to 200 people. Anko began to walk when she noticed that the men weren't following her. "Well?" They began to follow, albeit very slowly. They finally came to a stop as Anko opened a large door. Naruto's mouth opened in shock. "This is where you'll be starting your mission, boys."

The hall was completely unrecognizable as the desks were replaced by bleachers. Cameras were setup everywhere, while men and women scurried around the shinobis, leaving trails of cables, and cords in their wake. In front of them was a stage, with bright lights shining in at the top of it and microphones that were set upon leather chairs.

"This? This is what we're supposed to be doing?" Naruto scratched his head. "I don't get it."

" We've decided to host our own little shin ding. It's about time Konoha has some sort of media attention, and using television while broadcasting throughout the other villages is perfect."

Shikamaru muttered a "troublesome," before Sasuke interrupted his thoughts.

" Let me get this straight. You want to create your own show. With us four, and broadcast it. To all the villages." Anko nodded. "Oh yeah, I don't see how this will fail at all." His sarcasm was lost as Anko bounced on the heels of her feet.

"This is basically the set up. If people decide to actually tune in during the first taping, which is tonight, we might make more episodes! This is going to be great!" She looked on, amused as the only one excited was Naruto.

"I get to be on TV! Teme, this is gonna be awesome! Ne ne, what are we going to do?"

"Well that depends on what the audience members ask you." The audience members? Naruto deflated. A talk show? Booooring. He thought it'd be exciting, like a game show. If people from other villages see how he can beat the other guys and humiliate them publicly, they'll love him unconditionally!

"Anko san, what are we supposed to say?"

"I'm glad you asked Hyuuga." She grinned before she gave a shrill whistle. "Let me introduce you guys to the host of the show. I personally picked her out."

"Sasuke kun!" He frowned when he heard his name being called, no; rather yelled.

"Karin...you're the host?" The red headed woman nodded energetically before latching onto his arm.

"Don't worry, I won't embarrass you guys too much." She gave them a wink, impressing no one. "Now then, I suppose you guys should get ready, we start the show at 8!"

"It's 3 in the afternoon. I highly doubt it's going to take 5 hours to get ready."

"Are you dumb Sasuke kun?" The 3 shinobi looked on in amusement as she began to talk down on Sasuke like he was some sort of dog. "You don't understand how much trouble we went through to do this. Anko san expects perfection, and if you manage to fuck this up, I'll make sure you won't ever revive your clan. Got it buddy?" He gave no answer, but Karin took this as a sign of affirmation before turning to the others. "You three. All I need you to do is clean yourselves up. We brought some extra clothes for you. Since Sasuke Kun is the only one who came back from a mission, I expect he should take longer than usual in the dressing rooms. Of course, my advice to him is that he wears the ANBU uniform. Women love a man in uniform." She sighed dreamily before saying, "After you're all finished, meet me here, and we should be ready to go."

"What are we supposed to do?" Karin looked at Shikamaru as his eyes wandered around the room. "I mean, do we have specific things we need to say when you ask us questions, or what?"

"Um no. Why would you think that?" He opened his mouth, but she silenced him with a glare. "Actually don't say anything, you guys are giving me such a headache, don't look at me like that Sasuke kun, you're giving me the biggest one. I don't ask you anything. This is where the fun begins, because the women watching this show ask you guys!" Neji furrowed his brows in confusion.

"So, like Anko san said, the audience asks us?" Karin shook her head.

"The villagers?" She shook her head again.

"Nope! You guys are the only ones who didn't know about this until now. Every single village had the chance to participate in this. All questions were written by women from all over the shinobi world! These questions will be asked from the during the taping. Live!"

Neji sat down on the floor, resting both of his hands on his face in shame. "These aren't premade questions? And we have to answer them...on live television?" Karin nodded enthusiastically. "We're going to be humiliated. We're going to be shamed. My reputation is going to be ruined."

"That's the point! Oh I'm getting the shivers just thinking about you guys embarrassing yourselves!"

"This is going to be awesome Karin chan! The ladies will be swarming to me. Oh Naruto kun, you're so dreamy! Naruto kun, tell me, what do you like the most about me? Is it my pink hair Naruto kun? Or my precious body? You're such a gentleman Naruto kun!" He began to make smooching noises as the others completely looked on in disgust.

"Speaking of pink hair, I doubt Sakura would want to miss this." Neji and Shikamaru agreed, the ladies on their teams would never miss a chance to see them get ridiculed.

"Alright alright, Glasses, you done talking to them? Let's get this show on the road boys." Anko lead them to their dressing rooms as Karin walked onto the back stage, where she saw four women huddling around a box.

"Er, what are you all doing?" The girls quickly separated, shocked that they've been caught before one of them began to speak.

"Karin, my best friend in the whole world! W...what are you doing here!?"

"We barely talk Ino chan." She looked disdainfully at the blond girl before looking at the others. "Don't try to get chummy with me just because you were doing something that wasn't allowed. Now, come on. Fess up. This is an event that's only happening once. I really don't want you guys to have to watch this on your TV's alone with a bucket of ice cream." Ino wrung her hands, Sakura played with the ends of her hair, while Tenten tried to kick the box away from Karin's sight.

"They tried to rewrite some of the questions that were going to be aired tonight, K..Karin san." The 3 girls looked at Hinata, shocked that she would tell on them, while Karin laughed.

"Nice try ladies, but those questions are set in st..." She trailed off, noticing the slips that were scratched and rewritten on. "Wow. These questions that you wrote are gold! I'm so using some of these!" She picked up the rest of the questions and deposited them back in the box, mumbling to herself how these questions were going to completely embarrass the poor saps. She walked away, leaving the other 4 kunoichi to wonder how many times did Orochimaru scramble her brain.

"So, I should totally go naked, I mean, chicks dig my ass, so why not go commando and REALLY give them their money's worth, what do you guys think? Guys?" Naruto was beginning to rethink this mission, after all, he was the only one who had hormones and testosterone in the group. The other three were either lazy, or just plain assholes. It should've been him, Kiba, Konohamaru, and maybe the white haired shark dude that Sasuke had on his other team. Yeah, now they'll be awesome to be on the show with.

"You're not supposed to impress the women for your sake, our mission is solely to show them that Konoha has many things to offer."

"You're fooling yourself Hyuuga, the reason Tsunade chose us was to be used for eye candy. Konoha has many things to offer? Bullshit, she wants women to come to this god forsaken village and believe they have some sort of chance with us."

"Oi teme! Don't be a jerk!" Sasuke rolled his eyes as he looked at himself in the mirror. This was a waste of time.

"Well, well, aren't we all looking sharp?" The men turned around as Tsunade smirked at them.

"I do agree, Tsunade sama, though I think Sasuke should probably smile just a teeny bit more. Come on Sasuke, we don't want to scare anyone now do we?" Kakashi's head popped out from the hall as he admired his students and their fellow shinobi. "Now then, it's almost showtime boys, let's show those ladies what treasures lie within Konoha!" Neji frowned.

"Er. Treasures?" Kakashi ruffled his hair and gave him a thumbs up.

"You're the treasures! And the women are the archaeologists who can't wait to dig you up!" Tsunade patted him in the back.

"Great comparison and all, but listen. You 4 should try not to say anything stupid, The Mizukage and the Kazekage will be here as well."

"Gaara's gonna be here? This is gonna be so awesome! Right teme?"

"Please tell me the Raikage isn't here. I really don't want to be dealing with him or his annoying brother." Shikamaru raised an eyebrow at him in curiosity.

"Well, considering it was your fault that he has one arm left..." He trailed off, hoping the Uchiha would drop the subject.

"Not my fault." Sasuke looked towards Tsunade, who shook her head.

"No, he won't be here, but he'll probably be watching it from his village, just to see you choke on stage. Along with thousands of others. So have fun." The Hokage cackled as she and Kakashi left the the room, while the boys wallowed in their misery.

"Well...it can't be that bad, right?" Ah Naruto, always the optimist. Unfortunately, things would took a different turn.

**Ah yes, a game show. This will be exciting! For those who dont understand, that box contains questions that women, and women only, have asked from other villages. Sakura and company were trying to sabotage some of the questions and replace them with their own. **


	2. Chapter 2

The clammer of the studio audience rang throughout the hall, as shinobi from all villages struggled to squeeze through the bleachers. Down below, the "VIP" section was already in plain view, as kages and other high ranking jounin sat. It was in this area where the Kazekage and his siblings sat, seemingly unperturbed by the hustle and bustle of the audience.

"Well, this might not be as big of a disaster as I'd hoped it would be, right Gaara?" The former jinchuriki looked at his brother before letting out an uninterested sigh. Between screaming women, men who wanted to see the infamous Uchiha be publicly humiliated in front of them, and a Mizukage who appeared to be flustered and for some reason, very sweaty; he really did not want to be here. The woman next to him laughed.

"Yeah right. It's complete chaos Kankuro." Contrary to her siblings attitude, Temari actually wanted to be here. Not for a certain Nara, that was for damn sure. As much as she loved her home village, Suna would never do something like this, especially with someone as stiff as Gaara. "Speaking of him," she thought to herself as she turned to him. "So, who're you rooting for?" Gaara ignored her as Kankuro snickered.

"I'm pretty sure we know you're gonna root for Shikamaru, that's a given. He might be smart and all, but I dunno. I think Naruto might win this."

"Naruto is an idiot. This game obviously not only focuses on embarrassing the competitors, but it also wants to test their intelligence, and strength. Naruto does not have intelligence. To be honest, I think the Uchiha will win. Or Hyuuga, but I doubt he can beat him." A cough came from Gaara as he looked at the both of them.

"Don't underestimate Naruto." And that was that.

"Nervous Teme?" Naruto grinned at the brooding Uchiha, who looked as if he wanted to use his Susanoo and obliterate this whole building. But that chapter of his life was long gone. Maybe.

"Naruto, please do not embarrass us further. My clan will be watching, so I suggest you act your age."

The blond stood rigidly, and began to mock the Hyuuga. "Look at me, my clan have sticks up their asses, ho ho ho ho, I'm Neji and I'm so tough and no girl would ever date a prick like OUCH!" Naruto held his aching foot as Neji rubbed his head in exasperation.

"Well. I'm out." The three men looked and saw Shikamaru with a paper in his hand. Sasuke raised an eyebrow before snatching the paper from his grasp.

"Out. As in...you're quitting." Sasuke continued to scan the paper and shook his head. "You actually got Tsunade to agree to this, on paper." Shikamaru nodded. "Impressive, you pussy. Is it really worth getting your paycheck docked being forced to do crappy B ranked missions?" Shikamaru nodded again. "Ugh." Sasuke crumpled the paper and threw it at him while Naruto cackled.

"PUSSY! YOU'RE A PUSSY!"

"NARUTO, WE GET IT. There's no need for you to shout, we know all about Nara's cowardice." Shikamaru placed his hands in pockets and began to walk to the bleachers where the audience were patiently waiting. "This is all troublesome, I'm not going to be humiliated just for some shitty game show. If the Hokage wants to send me on some B rank missions for a month because I didn't want to be involved in this, then hey, that's fine by me. You guys have fun." He saluted the three of them before walking away; a noticeable bounce to his step was noticed before he disappeared. Naruto looked at Sasuke and Neji before placing his fist forward.

"Alright, now it's just the three of us! Let's do this! Repeat after me, We're badass! Ready? One, Two, Three! We're Badass!" His battle cry was promptly ignored, before Karin appeared before them.

"I heard about what happened with Shika, can't say I'm surprised though." She clapped her hands together excitedly before she continued. So hey, listen, the show's gonna start in like, oh I dunno 2 minutes? Yes, that sounds right, and I suggest you start calming your mind and prepare yourselves."

"Calming your mind," Sasuke asked, his brows raised in confusion.

"Well I assume you're going to be a little annoyed when you hear some of the questions, and when you're annoyed, you are prone to extreme acts of violence, which I was well aware of a while back, right Sasu Cakes?" He coughed awkwardly. "What I mean is that you should just breath in and out, and well just calm down. We don't need any more violence, right? Good. See you three soon." And with that, she walked into the center of the stage, ready to show off the guinea pigs, I mean stars of the shows.

But that will be introduced at another time.

**Poor Shika, he only lasted one chapter :( I'm not very happy with this chapter, it's rushed and not too much happens. Oh well. **

**Also, the past weeks of Naruto have been eh, to HOLY SHIT GAI IS AWESOME.**  
**I mean, Naruto is hurt and 2 ladies try to help him. Sasuke is literally bleeding to death, and no one was rushing to save him. So thank Thor for fucking Kabuto, more useful than Sakura I swear. But Gai. Too much of a badass, a shame Madara is going to destroy him, no matter how much damage he takes.**


	3. Chapter 3

The stage was set as Karin confidently strutted her stuff, and walked to the center of the stage, microphone in hand. She eyed the crowd, noticing the different looks she received, especially from the four kunoichi who sat DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF THE STAGE. She needed to get the crowd ready. This was the first show after all, and who'd want to stick around for something that's boring? No one. That's who. She cleared her throat before raising the microphone to her lips.

"Are you guys ready for some fun?!"

Nothing.

She sighed before looking towards Anko, who sat with Tsunade and the other jounin. Her inspiration, her teacher, her mentor; no, she wouldn't fail Anko. Not like this. She needed something big, something to incite the burning heat of a woman. After all, they were the target audience.

"Alright, you pretentious assholes! We have four of the hottest, stuck up, idiotic beefcakes that this side of the shinobi world has ever seen ready to answer your questions and listen to your commands, no matter how humiliating they may be, so I suggest you get your act together people! When do you ever get a chance like this? Never!"

This may have given her the effect she desired, as most of the females in the audience began to erupt in cheers and screams, while the men looked on with amused expressions. Kakashi grinned under his mask, elbowing Iruka in the chest while the jonin instructor massaged his temple. The Team Seven leader watched as the other rookie 9 members showed off their excitement. Kiba, Ino, and Lee screamed and hollered, while Ten Ten and Sakura wore goofy grins, their cheeks as pink as a pigs backside. Even Shino couldn't hide his interested expression. Hinata on the other hand, just wanted to go home.

Karin smiled, this was working out perfectly.

"Now then, welcome to Konoha's Interrogation Room!"

From behind the stage, Sasuke raised an eyebrow.

"What a stupid name."

An awkward cough was his answer before Shikamaru continued, "Why? Is it because you spent most of your time in an interrogation room?" Naruto guffawed as Neji elegantly(Hyuugas are elegant after all) chuckled. The Uchiha looked at him in disdain.

"And here I was thinking you'd pussy out." Nara shrugged before waiting for the Uzumaki red head to finish the god damn introductions. He had a contest to win, and he wasn't going to let these jerk offs win.

The applause and cheers died down as Karin looked to where the four shinobi were. She raised a dainty hand and pointed to them.

"Alright guys, you can come out now." Before she knew it, Naruto jumped out from behind the curtains, mimicking unorthodox poses, and flexing his muscles. The other three walked out on stage, seemingly disinterested. They each sat down on barstools that were quite unstable. Neji had almost fallen, but being the prodigy he is, managed to hide his little stumble. The four of them took sips from water bottles that were placed next to them, when Karin suddenly began to giggle.

"I'm so happy that you guys decided to drink from the bottles before I even said anything. It's a good thing I asked for Tsunade sama to help, it was her idea to add truth serum to the water."

There was a long pause before Sakura stood up.

"T..they can't lie? At all?" Karin shook her head. The pink haired kunoichi thanked her teacher who did nothing but laugh.

"Tsunade did this? Tch, that god damn witch." Sasuke whispered before hepouted like a child before Karin walked over to where the others sat, shocked.

"Well boys, shall we begin?"

**Aww yeah, it's time for the game to start! I decided to put back Shikamaru because he's cool and I felt like toying with him as well. Truth Serum is always fun to use. This is not an angsty story, so if I do mention the 4th Shinobi War or anything Sasuke/Konoha related, it's going to be a little light hearted. Still no mentions of pairings yet, Im not sure if there will be. I might just make this a "THIS CHARACTER fucked THIS CHARACTER" etc etc.**


	4. Chapter 4

The four men sitting at the center of the stage stared as the audience's focus zeroed in on them. Naruto gulped and suddenly noticed a cord sticking out from each of the chairs.

"Uh. Karin? What are these for?" The redhead smirked and patted him on the back. "Aw you poor thing. Bad things happen to people who lie. Anytime we detect a hint of a lie, these cords will send off an electrical shock through your chairs."

"But you gave us truth serum, isn't this a little overkill," Shikamaru asked as he tried to figure out a way to pull the cord out. This led to him being jolted with a strong shock which left him groaning in pain. "This is such bullshit..."

Karin ignored him before walking over to the podium and leaned towards the mic. "First things first, why don't you all introduce yourselves to the audience. I mean we all know who you are, but what about the others watching right now?" Sasuke raised an eyebrow.

"If they don't know who we are, then why the hell would they watch a show about us?"

"Shut up and answer introduce yourselves," screamed a random girl in the audience as she was supported by many others.

"Well, seeing as how you interrupted me, you can go first." The raven haired man sighed. "Tell us your name."

"Im pretty sure everyone knows who he is. Was he not mentioned in the bingo book and in every single wanted poster?" The audience laughed; even shy Hinata giggled at Neji's comment. Sasuke said nothing at the infuriating comment; he leaned over and pulled on the Hyuuga's electrical cord, making Neji shake at the strong voltage of electricity. His neatly primed hair was sticking out of place as he grit his teeth at the jolts.

Sasuke ran a hand over his eyes and drank some water, even knowing about the truth serum. "Sasuke Uchiha." Karin rolled her eyes.

"We need more info than that Sasuke kun." This is ridiculous, he said to himself, before he continued on. "I'm 23 years old."

Naruto made a farting sound with his hands. "BORING. Ne ne, ask him to do something stupid! Ask him if he's gay or something! Sasuke teme is sooo boring!" Sasuke elbowed Naruto before he looked at Karin expectantly.

"I did tell you that I needed more information Sasuke kun, oh well, your loss." She shrugged her shoulders before Sasuke was enveloped in stinging pain. The shocks wore off as he placed his head and buried it between his chair.

**At the Raikage's tower in Kumogakure:**

"Ha! Did you see that Mabui?! That damn Uchiha! I love watching that brat suffer!"

The Raikage's assistant let out a soft sigh as she gazed at her leader rant and rave about how idiotic Uchiha Sasuke looked when he was in pain. Well. Anything to get him distracted she thought to herself as she discreetly placed her romantic novel and hid it between the paperwork she was supposed to be working on.

**Konoha**

"Yo! Im Uzumaki Naruto and I love ramen and...and...girls!" He gave the camera a winning smile making some women sigh in delight. He looked over and saw Shikamru sleeping. "That's Shikamaru. He's really smart and all but that's it." Shikamaru snorted and opened his eyes, unsuccessful in believing this was some nightmare. The cameras switched over to Neji. He sat proudly and opened his mouth before Naruto interrupted. "And this is Neji. He has a stick shoved up his ass. He's like Sasuke but at least Sasuke gets drunk and says funny things. When Neji get's drunk, he just gets knocked out. Lame!"

"I can speak for myself Naruto. I am,"

"Ok that's enough introductions!" Neji pursed his lips at the interruption but said nothing. "Let's start this program off with a question from the audience. Who should I pick..." Karin trailed off as hands began to wave enthusiastically at her. She looked at Sakura and Ino, who were grabbing each other's arms and shoving each other before she pointed at a brown haired women wearing an apron for some reason. "You. With the hairnet." The women stood up and smiled at Naruto.

"Ayame san! Is the old man running the shop today? I thought he said he was closing tonight!" The daughter of Ichiraku's owner nodded before she pointed at Sasuke.

"If it's all right with Sasuke, I'd like to ask him a simple question." Sasuke shrugged. She was always polite around him anyways.

"Since Naruto kun brought up something about you being drunk, what was the most embarrassing thing that you said while you were inebriated?" The man in question looked at the older women and huffed. He would've refused, but the damn serum was making this hard for him.

"I...shit...I never said an...fuck..I don't get...drunk." In the audience, Tsunade rubbed her hands together with glee. Her serum was working. All that research was paying off.

"Get...get drunk...I...I..." Naruto grabbed Sasuke by the shoulders and shook him.

"Damn it teme, get a hold of yourself!" He continued to struggle with his speech before he froze in place. "Uh, Sasuke? You alright." Sasuke nodded before he began to speak. His voice took on a sort of bored tone.

"I." The audience leaned in closer.

"I like..." Who!? WHO DOES HE LIKE!? Shikamaru and Neji looked at each other before looking at the struggling Uchiha.

"I like Milfs," he ground out between his teeth before he looked away.

An awkward silence permeated throughout the stage. Everyone looked at him in shock, except for Kakashi, who merely nodded, proud of his student. Naruto scrunched up his nose before he asked, "what's a Milf?"

**Next chapter: Sasuke is forced to explain his fascination and attraction to older women. **


	5. Chapter 5

The audience froze in their spots at Sasuke's anwser. Karin merely raised an eyebrow before coughing.

"Ok...What? When did this happen?"

Sasuke clenched his teeth as the truth serum began to seep into his mind. He tried to fight it, but obviously lost as he began to retell the tale of his love for the cougars of the ninja world.

_Flashback: 6 months ago._

The music of the club pounded in his ears as he watched girls grinding on random shinobi.

"Pathetic," he thought to himself, "Fucking Naruto forcing me to come to this shithole." He signaled for the bartender to give him another shit of whisky before shadows surrounded him.

"Teme! You need to lighten up!" Naruto wrapped an arm around his shoulder as Shikamaru smirked.

"Probably needs to get laid or something." Sasuke merely raised a brow as he retorted back to the Nara.

"I suggest you shut your mouth Nara. Continuing your little evaluations of my sex life will lead me to break your hand. You're almost as bad as my replacement."

Shikamaru raised his hands up in surrender; it was true, no one was bad at being awkward than Sai.

"Mah! Whatever, I'm gonna go find me some hot chicks bastard, come with me Shikamaru!" Nara sighed as he was pulled away to join Naruto in his ritual pelvic thrust dance. Sasuke nursed his drink as an amused snort was heard next to him.

"Never thought you'd actually come to a club Uchiha. I always thought you were an antisocial bastard. Well, you're still a bastard."

"Tsunade sama, what an...expected surprise. Shouldn't you be getting wasted in your office instead of a club?" The busty woman cackled.

"Please, all you've been doing was sulk while men and women are pretty much fucking with clothes on. What's the point in coming here if you won't find a nice girl to take home. Or a guy. Whatever floats your boat." She gave him a saucy wink before sitting down next to him. Sasuke noticed her eyes droop from time to time before he let out an agitated breath.

"Tsunade, you need to go home." He knew he shouldn't care, but this was the Hokage, he HAD to.

"Hmmmmmm nooooooo. Where's Shizuneeeeeeee," Tsunade slurred. Sasuke grabbed one of her arms and helped her out of the club and into the mostly abandoned streets. Tsunade hummed as she was led by the Uchiha before she giggled and pressed her breasts onto his chest. Sasuke bit his lip as his pants began to tighten. He began to think of other things.  
-Sakura in a bikini. Nope, that didnt help.

-Gai in a thong. Almost there.

-Naruto making out with Iruka. Ahhh much better.

Finally arriving at her humble home, he opened the door(What a great Hokage, leaving your front door unlocked is a fantastic way to protect yourself from assasination,) and not so gently shoved her onto the couch. He scoffed at the undignified women, before he took a step a toward the door. Before he could, the door slammed shut as Tsunade suddenly got up from her drunken stupor and blocked his way.

She gave him a lustful smile before she traced a finger along his jawline.

"So pretty, so so so pretty," she purred like a cat in heat. Sasuke's eyes widened momentarily before she grabbed him and threw him down. Tsunade straddled his hips and laughed softly.

"Mine," she said as she took her top off, revealing her legendary bust. Sasuke groaned. This was too much he thought to himself before her lips pressed against his. His hands wrapped around her waist and then-

"WHORE!" The Mizukage pointed a finger at Tsunade, who gave Mei a smug smile. "I cant believe you gave me sloppy seconds!"

The audience ohhh'd. Naruto began to laugh, "Ahaha, sloppy seconds!" Sasuke crossed his arms and said nothing.

"Oh don't lie, you enjoyed it." Mei pondered this for a second, stared at the Uchiha, and smirked. "You're right."

Sakura promptly fainted.

I updated!


End file.
